But at too many tables, one chair will be empty. It may belong to a son or daughter or mom or dad, who cannot be there because he or she is serving in a country far away. Or it may be a family member who is a nurse or doctor or store clerk or other person required to work while everyone else is gathered at home. Or maybe a student off to college, unable to get home in time for Thanksgiving.

Sadly though, in too many families, it will be someone who could be there, but chooses not to be. Oh they may want to be, but there is just “too much to do at the office,” and so another day is spent at a desk, while a family is both thankful for what they have, and wishing they had just a little more.

There is of course great merit in working hard. But in the drive to have things of worth, too many families lose something worth so much more. This Thanksgiving, stay close to the ones you love and who love you. It’s a day to be thankful. Truly thankful.

Just like every other day.

Here’s what is easy to miss whenever you find yourself in one of those times… it’s best when it is your fault! True, your grandmother may not talk to you for a few days. Mom may mysteriously run out of dessert just before she gets to you. Your dog may not want to sleep in your bed for a few nights. There may be a For Sale sign on your neighbors’ lawn in the morning. There’s no denying that being the goat is no fun. But admitting you’re the goat is the best way to stop being one.

Consider these situations:

• If you’re in school and actually do have a bad teacher, there’s not a lot you can do to make him or her better.
• If you’re in business with a partner who is consistently messing things up, you can encourage or point out the issues or criticize or threaten to end the partnership, but you’ll be challenged to actually change that person’s way of doing things.
• If you’re on a sports team with a bad player or coach, or always manage to get the worst ref when you play, you can’t make them better. You’re just not likely to be hoisting any trophies over your head this season.
• If you have a spouse or parent or child or other relative who constantly drives you crazy, you probably realized long ago that, no matter how stressful things might be, that person’s personality is ultimately beyond your control.

Like it or not, when it’s someone else’s fault, there’s only so much you can do to correct your problems.

But what if it’s your fault?

• If you identify study habits that you can actually change or work on, you will see your marks go higher.
• If you recognize ways you have not been communicating clearly with your partner, or ways you can more clearly delegate what needs to be done, you actually can reduce conflicts in the office and bump up your profits.
• If you ask your coach or teammates to name one skill you really need to work on, and then get some help changing it, you actually will see things improve, often in a surprisingly short period of time.
• If you tell yourself — no matter how much a family problem is clearly another person’s fault — that you can change something about how you handle it, and then actually make that change, you may suddenly find your home is noticeably more comfortable and loving.

My Dad used to tell me that if I had a problem with everyone around me, maybe the problem was not everyone around me. That can sound a bit harsh, but it makes sense. A lot of sense. The good news is it usually doesn’t take very long before you can actually see your changes begin to make a difference in your life.

The next time you run into a scenario where you’re dealing with someone else messing things up, stop and tell yourself, “Okay, I bet there is at least one thing here that really is my fault, and that I can change.” Find it, and change it. See what happens. I can’t guarantee that it will change something every time, but I can promise you that you’ll see positive changes a whole lot more often than you would have if you had left the blame on the other person.

It may run against the way we like to operate, but the reality is we cannot change the things that are someone else’s fault. We can change the things that are ours.

Would you rather have problems you cannot change, or problems you can?

It’s Easter morning, and in many parts of the world children are looking everywhere they can think of for food. Families are meeting to worship in secret or marching for freedom. Whether they celebrate Easter or not, many will go with little or no food and even less laughter. It’s a challenging day filled with the tears of constant struggle and not enough joy or love.

For those of us who are blessed with much, it’s easy to celebrate an Easter teeming with even more treats than we already had, but it’s also easy to forget that this is not a happy day — or even a happy life — for some people. It is very unlikely that even one of us cannot think of someone who is really struggling today. Whether it’s because of a broken relationship or poor health or financial challenges, some people we know will find little joy this Easter morning.

And of course then there are the millions of people worldwide we don’t know who deal with struggles we don’t comprehend. For those people and for the many dear souls who are out there trying to alleviate the sufferings, Easter must seem to be a very irrelevant celebration, enjoyed only by those who are sheltered in a happy little world that few ever find.

Ironically, Easter is actually most relevant to those who suffer. It tells the story of the rebirth of a man who was put to death for his beliefs and for coming to help others. It all happened during a time when many were being persecuted for their faith, and their struggles were great. Even today, while the media sees it most as a celebration by those who have much, the Easter story and Christianity itself are seeing substantially more growth in developing and underdeveloped countries than they do in the few places that have much.

It is an inescapable lesson of history that the Christian faith has flourished most when and where it was least comfortable. In times of plenty, believers often stall and the things they believe in become irrelevant to the many around them. The lesson is that there is a big difference between growing and growing fat. There is also a big difference between Easter and the way many of us celebrate it today.

To those of you who face challenges this Easter morning, take a look again at Easter and its story of hope in troubled times. It is not at its core a day centered around chocolate and Easter hams. Many of us may have indeed tried to take it there, but our doing so has no more changed the message of Easter than our badly reciting a poem can diminish the talents of the original poet. Easter is still a time to celebrate; we just need to stop to remember and resurrect what the celebration is all about.

To those of us who celebrate amidst plenty, let’s not forget the family, friends and strangers who struggle and who may need some reason to believe in new beginnings. God gives each of us the power to change our surroundings as well as the surroundings of others, and to help them create better days. That’s an Easter gift well worth sharing.

Sometimes even when we're sure we are failing we should still press on; we may be on the verge of our greatest moments.

It’s hard to believe, but as I write this we’re just an hour away from December 23rd. Christmas Eve Eve, as it’s always been called in this family. When we were kids this was where the excitement hit fever pitch, but for adults this is where many of us most feel the stress. Still lots of shopping and baking left to do, some decorating left to finish, some cleaning to get done, and a whole lot of wrapping waiting for us in some hidden, guarded chamber. It’s right about now that it becomes perfectly obvious whether or not we still have the magic of Christmas in our hearts, or have slipped toward some Grinchiness.

I realize we’re all different, and the things that spark Christmas joy in one of us may well be the most glaring example of crass commercialism to another, but I still feel led to offer a few of the greatest Christmas moments that have lit up our lives in the past 40 or 50 years, just in case they light a candle in your world too.

The first is entirely predictable for anyone who knows me at all, but how could anyone possibly not love the great dance scene from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special? This show is, in my mind, still the greatest half hour of television ever created. Touching. Funny. Wise. Foolish. Poorly voiced and rushed into production, yet brilliantly perfect in every frame. The team thought they had failed miserably on the night it went to air. They had to let it go with many things left rougher than they wanted, and they braced themselves for very poor reviews. There’s a lesson in there for all of us; sometimes even when we’re sure we are failing we should still press on; we may be on the verge of our greatest moments. Do happy endings get any better than this?

The next is also from a Christmas children’s special, but rather than enjoying the rebirth every year that Charlie Brown has seen, this one has not been seen (as far as I can tell) for the past 20 years or more. It was the first of two Christmas specials from the wonderful Muppets, and it featured several touching performances by John Denver. We have played the album, and then the cassette tape, and then the CD, and now the MP3 in our house for the past 25 years or more, but the video is long gone, except for a few clips I’ve recently found on YouTube. So here’s one of the more captivating moments for me, as John Denver tells the story of Alfie the Christmas Tree, and It’s in Every One of Us. Beautiful lyrics. There’s magic here.

It’s hard not to toss in a second moment from that special, so here is the equally magically Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, sung by John Denver and Rolf:

And now, just one more children’s video to wrap up the journey through my favorite Christmas TV moments. This one is also predictable for anyone who knows me. It’s Linus’ recitation of the Christmas story, taken directly from Luke 2:

So there you have our four moments of Christmas magic. It would seem that the whole world is aglow with the joy of the season, and every heart is filled with cheer. Sadly, even the children know better, and no children know it more than the children in this last video. It’s a collection of gripping images put to the music of John Lennon‘s grand Happy Xmas (War is Over). Unfortunately, it could not be embedded here, which means you’ll have to click on the link to watch it on YouTube. But if you want a reminder that there’s still much to be done, and still many needs to be met, this video will do it more powerfully than you may have bargained for:

Watch Happy Xmas (War is Over) on YouTube

But before you go, let me say a sincere Merry Christmas to you and yours. Please leave your greeting below, and enjoy the season, share the magic, embrace the laughter, and appreciate the food. But also remember the needs, and all those who still seek their moment of cheer.

May God bless us… every one.

______________________

Photo credit: http://sunshineandstarlight.com/a-charlie-brown-christmas/

Lennon invited us to give peace a chance. Turns out happiness is not a warm gun after all.

Thirty years? How could it possibly be that long? I remember being woken by Mom that morning to get ready for university. Knowing it would be important to me, she told me right after waking me up. “John Lennon was shot to death last night.” In my half-awake state, I struggled to understand her words. I was sure she was saying, “John and Linda were shot to death last night,” referring to my twin sister and her husband. She seemed rather calm while telling me though, so I figured I was misunderstanding something. But even when I finally deciphered the message, I still figured I was misunderstanding things. I still do.

I remember later that day, sitting with Pam Osmond at the MUN Education Building library, talking about Lennon. Pam was always a wonderful person to chat with; she just had a way of finding the sense in almost anything. But neither of us could pick much sense out of this. Not that John Lennon was any great saint or above the same fate that strikes down too many promising lives in any given city on any given day. From experimenting with drugs, to saying the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, to inciting us to, “Imagine there’s no heaven,” John never really seemed to want to get back to his Anglican choirboy roots. Yet I don’t think he ever fully left them either. He was always seeking something higher; always encouraging us to imagine and build a better future. Of all the poets and the dreamers, John Lennon was the one who made a better world sound the most attainable. Give peace a chance. War is over if you want it. It’s easy if you try. You couldn’t really argue with the logic of that. We just needed more people to believe it with us.

If Lennon were alive today, he’d be 70. 70. There are some people I’ve never really been able to picture old. I just can’t visualize this guy in his 70s or 80s, starting to be a little bent and tired. That just wasn’t John Lennon to me. But as I think about it now, maybe John’s greatest moments were still ahead of him. Imagine all that vision and creativity interlaced with the counsel of his years. Lennon was mellowing in those last years, having taken that hiatus to raise his family and then just releasing that album before it all ended. He was figuring out a lot of things. He had a lot more to learn and to teach us.

I’m suddenly sitting here with blank fingertips. After tapping out everything to this point almost without pausing, popping back and forth between this and chatting with my daughter on Facebook in another window, I’m suddenly empty. It’s gone. There’s no next sentence ready to jump into place. And after sitting here for five minutes, trying to find an ending, I realize there isn’t one. There’s no resolving thought or tidy ending to this story. It was all left hanging. It still is. Some things are indeed over, whether we want them or not.

It’s up to us to write the next song.

___________________

Photo credit: Andy Warhol  http://diginmotion.com/ecommerce/104-100-portraits-of-iconic-people-of-all-time.html

Terrible atrocities have been committed in God's name over the centuries. However, many kind and wonderful things have also been done in God's name.

Is God good? Is religion a force for good or does it drive us apart and cause many of the world’s problems? There was a time not long ago when it would have seemed shocking to ask such questions. Now, if you are religious, you may be in the minority, according to the results of a survey released this week.

The survey, conducted by Ipsos Reid, polled over 18,000 people in 23 countries worldwide. Just over 48% agreed that “religion provides the common values and ethical foundations that diverse societies need to thrive in the 21st century.” On the other side, 52% agreed that “religious beliefs promote intolerance, exacerbate ethnic divisions and impede social progress.”

The story caught my eye during my thrice-daily pilgrimage to the CBC News Website, where their article also offered the table below, showing the results in several major countries:

Being Canadian, I couldn’t help but notice the low percentage of Canada’s respondents — only 36% — who saw religion as positive. Why? Why do so many here and elsewhere feel that we would be better off without religion? And the biggest question of all… are they right?

No, I don’t believe they are. Yes, many people’s frustration and anger toward religion can be understood. Terrible atrocities have been committed in God’s name over the centuries. However, many kind and wonderful things have also been done in God’s name, with religious people often giving their life’s saving and even life itself to help others. Those acts happen every day; they just seldom attract the world’s media. Often, they are kindnesses seen in the eyes of God and God alone.

Sadly, people have done horrific things countless times not only for religion, but in the pursuit of many or all our healthy or noble drives and ambitions. The number of sex crimes committed over the years does not make sex itself evil. The endless line of people robbing, cheating, and murdering for money does not make wealth itself wretched. The same is true of politics, sports, and almost everything else imaginable. Even efforts to protect animals and unborn babies from the cruelty of others have themselves given birth to people who hurt and kill others to pursue those very causes, yet very few would argue that those initial causes are themselves wrong.

Every drive or interest that has ever had any value attached to it has seen its share of fanatics and lunatics. The perversion of those noble ideals does not make the ideals themselves perverse. There is no evil in the desire to help others or be fed or have money or love a God. It is in how some choose to pursue those desires that evil is done and people are hurt.

As others have pointed out, Utopian societies have been created to show how perfect life would be without religion. The results, from Stalin’s Russia to Hitler’s Germany to Pol Pot’s Cambodia, were far from Utopia, with many millions of people killed in obscene orgies of terror. Yet, as each of those regimes fell, religion survived and grew stronger still.

Humans have been given a handful of universal drives that cross all societies and generations. Hunger. Thirst. Sex. Security. Survival. And yes, religion. There are also some basic pleasures like music, art, and laughter that are universal and compelling. These drives and pleasures are seen in people in every tribe or society, spanning all history and geography. The motivations stir deep within virtually every single one of us. Granted, some people may be passionate for music but have no real desire for art, while others may thrive on art but have no interest in religion. But the number of people across all cultures who are pulled to these few drives and pleasures make it clear that there are some innate attractions deep with us, and greater than all of us. Religion is one of those, and just as none of the others is inherently evil or harmful, neither is religion.

Of course, those who are deeply religious would argue that the desire to know God and fulfill His will is far more than just another drive; it is the purpose of life itself. Whether that point is right or wrong is beyond what I offer in these few words. For now, my point is simply that religion in and of itself does not, “promote intolerance, exacerbate ethnic divisions and impede social progress.” The way some people pursue it may very well do so, but religion itself does not. Instead, it does indeed, “provide the common values and ethical foundations that diverse societies need to thrive in the 21st century.”

That’s all I say. How about you?

Will work for food. Don't we all?

Hmmm, the first real post for my new blog. Should it be deep and inspiring?

Nah.

I just finished a meal of curry chicken. It was good; I liked it. I’m beginning to realize that I like everything. Was a picky eater as a kid, but I don’t think I’ve found anything in the past 20 years that I didn’t like. And I’m not even sure what changed. I guess, despite my best intentions, I matured. I tried a few new things and discovered most of them didn’t kill me. So I kept on trying them, and usually kept on living.

Over the past few years I traveled quite a bit, hitting most of the major cities across North America and always looking for new foods to sample. That’s not to say I’m a food snob; I can get as much joy out of a good hot dog or Big Mac as most aficionados get out of Peking Duck. There’s very little about me that’s refined, but I’m content with that; it usually means I end up being fairly happy pretty much anywhere I go.

Hmmm, I need to pause for a minute. Are you supposed to just talk about yourself when writing your own blog? I’m not sure; it seems a bit narcissistic, really. It’s just that I usually end up being around me more than I’m around most other people; it makes me an easy target. I’ll make it a point to diversify in future posts. Maybe find some guest bloggers to write about me. My purpose this time out was to just put my fingers to the keys and start typing. Just get the first one out there. Type without thinking. I believe I’m succeeding admirably on that point.

So for now, for continuity’s sake, I’ll wrap up with one last paragraph or two about food. I like it. I like to try something new in restaurants, and pretty much never regret it. Indian. Italian. Greek. Thai. Vietnamese. Russian. Sushi. Shark. Kangaroo. Bison. Whale. Squid. Snake. Eel. Frog. Snail. Not into trying any live bugs or that kind of Survivor stuff, but if it’s real food, I’m in there.

But if a pet is missing from your yard after the next full moon, we never had this conversation.

I’m just getting set up here, so it will be awhile before the formatting and overall look come together. I’m not even telling anyone about this place yet, but people like you always seem to show up early. So bookmark me and come back soon. I’ll be sharing some ideas about life, happiness, the universe, God, people, and what keeps us all moving. It may not be the wisest stuff you’ll ever read, but I’ll do my best to make it interesting and valuable.

And that’s all I say.

For now…